Internet as torture v. the nature of friendship

Sometimes, being the “Research Queen” is devastating.  I have delayed looking up things of a clinical nature related to the many possibilities of Owen’s death, until tonight.  I wish I were not possessed by my family’s NEED TO KNOW, but I am.

Hours later…

Ya know?  I was going to write about autopsies, and bodies found in salt water, and why we may never have a definitive answer regarding Owen’s cause of death.  I am more educated now, but not less sorrowful.  It makes no difference what that final report states.  We all know.

I just spent about two hours on the phone with my old friend, Melinda.  We first met when I was 11 and she was 12.  After talking about our collective and separate histories, my post has taken a turn.  Not surprising, huh?

Sharing the details of death and clinical findings, whether specific to Owen…or your loved one…somehow pales in comparison to long-standing friendships.  We are still here searching, and I prefer my memories, to the many factors that are sure to torture my family in the days/weeks to come. 

Friendship is something on which we cannot place a value.  Nor is information about Owen’s death.  But, my focus has been displaced for the moment…and gladly.  

Let me share this, and then I will say goodnight in a shorter post than most.  Love, friendship, honesty, and memories move to the top of the list when my other choice for how to spend an evening is autopsies and how they are performed (and how difficult it is to get accurate information).  CSI is a bunch of crap built on the backs of Hollywood hacks.

Television is bullshit.  Friendship is accountable.  I love the escape television offers me, though I still can’t watch it.  But, more, I love the truth of friendship.  I love you, Melinda, for sharing things that were painful, and inevitable.  Thank you for thinking of us on a regular basis.  Thank you for sharing things you thought I didn’t know.  I know.  I knew long ago.  And, I’m okay with knowing that others from our past have betrayed our family’s private moments, our challenges.

Thank you, Melinda, for talking with me for hours, about the old days, the present, and the future.  Thank you for taking the time to call me and say, “I love you no matter what.”  Owen’s autopsy report will not give me the same respite.  It will likely give me (and our family) more questions. 

Before you watch the video, you might want to know this.  The Sufi metaphor for the moth (parvaneh) is: Salek or lover, attracted to the flame of the candle of Divine understanding.  (Thank you, Chase and Lorin.) 

Song for the night: Human Behavior, Bjork


~ by Linda on September 15, 2007.

One Response to “Internet as torture v. the nature of friendship”

  1. I feel a little like Dave the other night, when he said sometimes it was difficult to give Owen answers, because he didn’t understand the questions. I guess that’s where I am with tonight’s post. LOL! The video felt a little like my week, and a little like Alice In Wonderland (down the rabbit hole and through the looking glass.) Do you remember Grace Slick’s “Go Ask Alice”? It was a bit like a visual version of that.
    Glad you were able to enjoy talking with your friend, and the research part can always wait till another day. Hugs-Lonnie

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