Comments on: Mystery O. Riley http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com This day is not shot! Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:36:17 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Valerie O http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1730 Valerie O Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:23:25 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1730 Linda, I stumbled on your blog and am so glad I did. My son's death is a mystery as well. At the very least, I can feel assured that others have suffered the same questions yet continued to put one foot in front of the other. Two months ago, my son was shot and killed in a supposed fight that he started with a stranger who was armed in his home at 4PM. You'd have to know Ben to know that's a truly ridiculous scenario. This happened in another state, several hours away, while he was at his dad's making ammends for his father's lack of contact over the last five years. It's all very strange. Anyhow, his father is paralyzed with depression, incapable of being polite enough to reach out to me and tell me what is happening. I sit here wondering. I haven't seen any reports, a death certificate or talked to anyone but the detective in the small city where this happened. No phone calls from the DA, no calls from anyone. The thing is, I have fallen back on this mantra. No answer will satisfy me but Ben walking through that door and that is not going to happen. Somehow, it eases the quest for answers. I suppose I am resigned. He's dead and there is nothing I can do but cry about this hole I feel. Ben is dead and he's not coming back no matter what the explanation. Keep writing. Those of us who are still in shock, silenced with our sorrow need to hear how you keep your eyes up and joy flowing. Thanks. Valerie Linda, I stumbled on your blog and am so glad I did. My son’s death is a mystery as well. At the very least, I can feel assured that others have suffered the same questions yet continued to put one foot in front of the other. Two months ago, my son was shot and killed in a supposed fight that he started with a stranger who was armed in his home at 4PM. You’d have to know Ben to know that’s a truly ridiculous scenario. This happened in another state, several hours away, while he was at his dad’s making ammends for his father’s lack of contact over the last five years. It’s all very strange. Anyhow, his father is paralyzed with depression, incapable of being polite enough to reach out to me and tell me what is happening. I sit here wondering. I haven’t seen any reports, a death certificate or talked to anyone but the detective in the small city where this happened. No phone calls from the DA, no calls from anyone. The thing is, I have fallen back on this mantra. No answer will satisfy me but Ben walking through that door and that is not going to happen. Somehow, it eases the quest for answers. I suppose I am resigned. He’s dead and there is nothing I can do but cry about this hole I feel. Ben is dead and he’s not coming back no matter what the explanation.

Keep writing. Those of us who are still in shock, silenced with our sorrow need to hear how you keep your eyes up and joy flowing. Thanks.
Valerie

]]> By: Kathryn dickinson http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1729 Kathryn dickinson Fri, 13 Nov 2009 03:16:52 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1729 Dear Linda, My daughter Marie Sarah Dickinson age 17 died from complications from the flu Feb. 19 2009. This is how I found your blog while looking for support for my grief. But this is not why decided to write you. Let me first say please accept my sympathy for the the loss of your beloved son Owen. I feel your pain and I am very sorry. Something struck me about your mystery and more importantly something struck me about your son's face. Such a kind face. My father is an appellate court judge here in Illinois so I am very familiar with police practice and investigation. I also am well versed at getting answers out of Medical examiners that do not want to give you the time of day, just ask Nancy Jones the head medical examiner here in cook county who did my daughters examination. I stalked that woman until she would talk to me. She finally caved and explained to me in detail the extras that were left out of her report. You see the coroners they are busy folks they don't have time for grieving mothers unless you make yourself a royal pain in the ass. What I found out is there is always more to the story that is not put in the report. That said , about the police. You are not going to like this but if they knew facts about your sons death that you do not know they would find some covert way to let you know.If someone had some answers for you some mysterious letter would appear, or email giving you some answers. I know this because in any organization there is at least one person with a heart.I have experienced this myself in an unrelated matter. As for your sons friends, again I do not think you will like this, I do not think they really know what happened.I am sure you have received stories and I do not relish the time in hell the person who told you they weren't going to say is going have put upon them. Did you ever consider that no one knows? Enough time has passed that if someone knew something you would of heard.Perhaps you are not satisfied with the information you are getting, you don't want to believe it or its too painful to believe. Ive been there. Again that said, and not to sound trite or disrespectful, I think you are going to get the answer you seek. I do not know why I feel this and I cannot explain it but I think you will. Some thing about your Son and your situation struck me and I am not a goof, I am a tough Irish broad who raises my eyebrows at even the smell of bs. This is my wish for you that you will get some answers. Take care, sincerely Kathryn Dickinson Dear Linda,
My daughter Marie Sarah Dickinson age 17 died from complications from the flu Feb. 19 2009. This is how I found your blog while looking for support for my grief. But this is not why decided to write you. Let me first say please accept my sympathy for the the loss of your beloved son Owen. I feel your pain and I am very sorry.
Something struck me about your mystery and more importantly something struck me about your son’s face. Such a kind face.
My father is an appellate court judge here in Illinois so I am very familiar with police practice and investigation. I also am well versed at getting answers out of Medical examiners that do not want to give you the time of day, just ask Nancy Jones the head medical examiner here in cook county who did my daughters examination. I stalked that woman until she would talk to me. She finally caved and explained to me in detail the extras that were left out of her report. You see the coroners they are busy folks they don’t have time for grieving mothers unless you make yourself a royal pain in the ass. What I found out is there is always more to the story that is not put in the report. That said , about the police. You are not going to like this but if they knew facts about your sons death that you do not know they would find some covert way to let you know.If someone had some answers for you some mysterious letter would appear, or email giving you some answers. I know this because in any organization there is at least one person with a heart.I have experienced this myself in an unrelated matter.
As for your sons friends, again I do not think you will like this, I do not think they really know what happened.I am sure you have received stories and I do not relish the time in hell the person who told you they weren’t going to say is going have put upon them. Did you ever consider that no one knows?
Enough time has passed that if someone knew something you would of heard.Perhaps you are not satisfied with the information you are getting, you don’t want to believe it or its too painful to believe. Ive been there. Again that said, and not to sound trite or disrespectful, I think you are going to get the answer you seek. I do not know why I feel this and I cannot explain it but I think you will. Some thing about your Son and your situation struck me and I am not a goof, I am a tough Irish broad who raises my eyebrows at even the smell of bs.
This is my wish for you that you will get some answers.
Take care, sincerely
Kathryn Dickinson

]]> By: Linda http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1727 Linda Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:08:30 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1727 Hi Mary, I tried your email address and it bounced, so I'm writing to you here in the hopes you'll return soon. I am so sorry about your Ryan. Simply put, I know. I'm also sorry that here in year two, you're becoming even more familiar with the post-shock grief that just as you described, knocks us to the ground. Shock is a wonderfully-human protective glove that once removed, leaves us reeling again in a new bare-skinned way. The friends and family who forget, too, an awful pain that is daunting on its own, but also, very lonely. I don't think they actually forget. I think they, by virtue of their unique relationships to our kids and to us, are able to move forward with their lives in a less awful way. I know why parents who've lost a child put away their child's belongings. Some even put away their photos. I can't. I need to see his beautiful face every day. Lately, I find myself smiling more often when remembering Owen, and for that, I'm thankful. The pain does not go away, it changes, until on those certain nights, those particular drives to work or through the countryside or on a street where he rode his bike, I am crushed with the memories. But, I refuse to forget. I refuse to look away. I refuse to censor myself when telling a story about him, a story that might help someone else, or just blend me back in with my parenting friends. Mostly, they want to hear about Nat, my older son. I'm glad to share his stories, too. They are here and now, and he is precious. No one should think of our losses as something to be hidden. Death is as much a part of life as birth. I keep in mind that knowing Owen, loving him, was a wonderful part of my life. I know him now, in a different way. Different is something to be embraced. I miss hugging him, hearing him laugh, seeing his joy in the simple things. I miss him...all of him. I know you miss Ryan, too. I had a funny thought the other day: "Duct tape can fix anything, except a broken heart". I think I should write a poem about it. Owen wrote poetry and music. How old was Ryan when he died? If you feel up to it, write again and leave me your email address so I can respond offline. Love and light on your journey, Linda Hi Mary,

I tried your email address and it bounced, so I’m writing to you here in the hopes you’ll return soon.

I am so sorry about your Ryan. Simply put, I know.

I’m also sorry that here in year two, you’re becoming even more familiar with the post-shock grief that just as you described, knocks us to the ground. Shock is a wonderfully-human protective glove that once removed, leaves us reeling again in a new bare-skinned way. The friends and family who forget, too, an awful pain that is daunting on its own, but also, very lonely. I don’t think they actually forget. I think they, by virtue of their unique relationships to our kids and to us, are able to move forward with their lives in a less awful way.

I know why parents who’ve lost a child put away their child’s belongings. Some even put away their photos. I can’t. I need to see his beautiful face every day. Lately, I find myself smiling more often when remembering Owen, and for that, I’m thankful. The pain does not go away, it changes, until on those certain nights, those particular drives to work or through the countryside or on a street where he rode his bike, I am crushed with the memories. But, I refuse to forget. I refuse to look away. I refuse to censor myself when telling a story about him, a story that might help someone else, or just blend me back in with my parenting friends. Mostly, they want to hear about Nat, my older son. I’m glad to share his stories, too. They are here and now, and he is precious.

No one should think of our losses as something to be hidden. Death is as much a part of life as birth. I keep in mind that knowing Owen, loving him, was a wonderful part of my life. I know him now, in a different way. Different is something to be embraced. I miss hugging him, hearing him laugh, seeing his joy in the simple things. I miss him…all of him. I know you miss Ryan, too.

I had a funny thought the other day: “Duct tape can fix anything, except a broken heart”. I think I should write a poem about it. Owen wrote poetry and music.

How old was Ryan when he died? If you feel up to it, write again and leave me your email address so I can respond offline.

Love and light on your journey,
Linda

]]> By: Mary http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1726 Mary Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:07:41 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1726 "In these silences something may rise" - S.K. I hope you find the truth your family deserves. My son died on September 26, 2007 in an alcohol related accident - so many questions unanswered, but I was able to read the autopsy - know why he died, how. It gave me something, I don't want to say closure - but it was a reason for his physical death that I could get my mind around. I have finally accepted that I am no longer living my life, but trying to survive it. I am on year 2 and it is so much worse as the shock wears off and everyone forgets. The grief has been more like terror for me - the anxiety, fear and pain. I find myself trying not to think about Ryan just to survive the pain of losing him - yet it is always there waiting, just below the surface - ready to knock me to the ground. Your memories and love for Owen are so beautiful and brave. From one broken heart to another - much love and hope. “In these silences something may rise” – S.K. I hope you find the truth your family deserves. My son died on September 26, 2007 in an alcohol related accident – so many questions unanswered, but I was able to read the autopsy – know why he died, how. It gave me something, I don’t want to say closure – but it was a reason for his physical death that I could get my mind around. I have finally accepted that I am no longer living my life, but trying to survive it. I am on year 2 and it is so much worse as the shock wears off and everyone forgets. The grief has been more like terror for me – the anxiety, fear and pain. I find myself trying not to think about Ryan just to survive the pain of losing him – yet it is always there waiting, just below the surface – ready to knock me to the ground. Your memories and love for Owen are so beautiful and brave. From one broken heart to another – much love and hope.

]]> By: Sharon http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1714 Sharon Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:30:42 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1714 Hello, I too feel your pain. I wish for your peace. We found our only 23yr old son dead, unexpectedly at our home 8/22/09. Andrew suffered from epilepsy since age 11, but had controlled seizures and was able to drive the last 3 yrs. He came home from Job Corps, finally able to graduate from the CNA program after 2 valiant tries (medications really hampered his learning). He came home on a Friday. I got two great hugs and kisses, got him comfortable in my office. We found him gone the following day. This is life changing. I have been a nurse for 27yr, mostly pediatrics and recent 3yrs of hospice nursing. NOTHING prepares one for the death of a child. I am only 2 months into this grieving/healing process. It is like a slinky. Some days ok, others several steps backwards. I fall to my knees in gratitude that he came home that day. Peace to all of you, this I know will be a lifetime of work. Sharon Hello,
I too feel your pain. I wish for your peace. We found our only 23yr old son dead, unexpectedly at our home 8/22/09. Andrew suffered from epilepsy since age 11, but had controlled seizures and was able to drive the last 3 yrs. He came home from Job Corps, finally able to graduate from the CNA program after 2 valiant tries (medications really hampered his learning). He came home on a Friday. I got two great hugs and kisses, got him comfortable in my office. We found him gone the following day. This is life changing. I have been a nurse for 27yr, mostly pediatrics and recent 3yrs of hospice nursing. NOTHING prepares one for the death of a child. I am only 2 months into this grieving/healing process. It is like a slinky. Some days ok, others several steps backwards. I fall to my knees in gratitude that he came home that day. Peace to all of you, this I know will be a lifetime of work.
Sharon

]]> By: Sue http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1607 Sue Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:41:33 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1607 I am not sure how I came upon your blog, but am so sorry for your loss and the mystery surrounding the death of your son. I find myself thoroughly engaged in your writing. I notice the gap from your last entry and do hope you are well (at least as much as you can be). I am not sure how I came upon your blog, but am so sorry for your loss and the mystery surrounding the death of your son. I find myself thoroughly engaged in your writing. I notice the gap from your last entry and do hope you are well (at least as much as you can be).

]]> By: mkhowarth http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1554 mkhowarth Sun, 07 Jun 2009 15:56:58 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1554 Denice, I'm sorry I did not reply to you sooner. I'm still learning how to "blog" and came across your note yesterday. I am so sorry as well for your pain. Very sorry, from the bottom of all I have to offer you. I'll listen to your memories and your needs. Please do not ever hesitate to come to me. I care for all of you and will always have you in my heart and prayers. Melody(mkhwrn@bellsouth.net) P.S. Any hints on how to get the most out of blogging, I'll take. Denice,

I’m sorry I did not reply to you sooner. I’m still learning how to “blog” and came across your note yesterday. I am so sorry as well for your pain. Very sorry, from the bottom of all I have to offer you. I’ll listen to your memories and your needs. Please do not ever hesitate to come to me. I care for all of you and will always have you in my heart and prayers. Melody(mkhwrn@bellsouth.net)
P.S. Any hints on how to get the most out of blogging, I’ll take.

]]> By: Denice http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1536 Denice Thu, 28 May 2009 19:30:38 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1536 Linda, Paula, Melody and others, I am sad for those of us who share the loss of a child. It is our deepest fear. My beautiful 18 year old son was killed - crushed to death. It is so horrible to think about, his pain, how scared he must have been. Then there was an inquiry, and trial. How do you cope? It is such a lonely time as well. My son died 3 years ago, and people think I "should be over it". I have good days and bad days, but you never get over it. I am a single parent of 4 sons, and as my younger sons reach the age that their brother was, and then pass, essentially becoming older than he ever got to be, it is so terribly painful. I also live far from family and lifelong friends, so I have no one to share memories with, and very little emotional support for myself, and I have to try to be all of that to my surviving sons. I even had one person tell me "well, it isn't like he was little" like that makes it easier?? Oh, those comments...and so many more. I try to tell myself that they mean well, and can't realize how thoughtless their comments must be. To all of you other bereaved moms, just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think most Moms get it...it isn't about trying to make us feel better, it is about being with us when we feel bad. Please take care of yourselves. Denice Linda, Paula, Melody and others,
I am sad for those of us who share the loss of a child. It is our deepest fear. My beautiful 18 year old son was killed – crushed to death. It is so horrible to think about, his pain, how scared he must have been. Then there was an inquiry, and trial. How do you cope? It is such a lonely time as well. My son died 3 years ago, and people think I “should be over it”. I have good days and bad days, but you never get over it. I am a single parent of 4 sons, and as my younger sons reach the age that their brother was, and then pass, essentially becoming older than he ever got to be, it is so terribly painful. I also live far from family and lifelong friends, so I have no one to share memories with, and very little emotional support for myself, and I have to try to be all of that to my surviving sons. I even had one person tell me “well, it isn’t like he was little” like that makes it easier?? Oh, those comments…and so many more. I try to tell myself that they mean well, and can’t realize how thoughtless their comments must be. To all of you other bereaved moms, just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think most Moms get it…it isn’t about trying to make us feel better, it is about being with us when we feel bad. Please take care of yourselves. Denice

]]> By: mkhowarth http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1514 mkhowarth Sat, 23 May 2009 16:18:11 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1514 Even though our stories are different in some ways, the end result is the same. My 15 yo was killed in an accident 07-24-2006. The sadness and confusion that follows is unavoidable.He would have graduated from high school this year. Please know you are not alone. I care. Melody Even though our stories are different in some ways, the end result is the same. My 15 yo was killed in an accident 07-24-2006. The sadness and confusion that follows is unavoidable.He would have graduated from high school this year. Please know you are not alone. I care. Melody

]]> By: Groundy http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1504 Groundy Thu, 07 May 2009 23:15:47 +0000 http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com/emmitt-owen-riley/#comment-1504 Linda, You have a beautiful site. I am truly sorry for the loss of your child. Words can not express nor comfort you. Writing is a good release. Hopefully someone will come forward with knowledge of what happened to Mystery O. Riley Regards, ~Groundy/Karen Linda,
You have a beautiful site.
I am truly sorry for the loss of your child. Words can not express nor comfort you. Writing is a good release. Hopefully someone will come forward with knowledge of what happened to Mystery O. Riley

Regards,
~Groundy/Karen

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