Mystery O. Riley

Emmitt Owen Riley was last seen on May 29, 2007, by most accounts.  He went to see a movie that evening, but left early, “bored” was his reason.  The movie?  The 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean.  No wonder, huh?  He worked at the theater, and free movies for the employee plus a guest, along with popcorn and a soda, were the only benefits.  His guest stayed to see the last 20 minutes of the movie.  Owen did not.  Where did Owen go, and why?  We may never know these answers.

There are several reasons for this blog. The first is to honor Owen’s life.  He was a young man of 20 years and 50 weeks at the time of his death, or thereabouts.  We don’t have an actual date or cause of death these 11 weeks later (as of 8/18/07).  Our county coroner’s office takes anywhere from 12 – 16 weeks to produce a final report.  Owen’s body was found in the Petaluma River on Saturday, June 2, 2007.  We’re still waiting to find out how and why.

Owen was a musician, writer, and entertaining conversationalist, who chose to stay quiet much of the time.  He was an observer, and talking took away from that endeavor.  He worked mostly nights, which suited him, as he was a nightowl much of his life.  He loved wordplay and made up his own words regularly…I think often, just to see if we were listening.  He challenged us to keep up with him, and tested us often.  He loved to talk about philosophy, religion, life, death, and everything in between. 

Another reason for this blog is to hopefully be a resource for other families whose adult loved ones have gone missing.  The sluggish response from our local police department, and the ensuing madness from their lack of interest in a missing 20-year-old man, prompted our family and friends to do much of the work of searching for him, and figuring out what happened that night.  We’re still at it, and this nightmare continues.  We know things no one should know, and we’re glad to share with those in need.

The last reason for this blog, is to give you a glimpse of how we’re making it from day to day, to take you on this journey of unbelievable grief, loss, and mystery.  Not something everyone will care to do.  But, there are other families who have experienced similar losses, and few know how to respond.  Perhaps we can help in some way, just by sharing our thoughts and feelings.

Owen wanted his nom de plume to be Mystery O. Riley, because he thought it was a good play on words, his name being Mr. E. Owen Riley.  He loved a good mystery and was amazed at the absurdities of the world.  Maybe he would think it makes sense that his disappearance is a mystery.  What would he tell us about that night, Tuesday, May 29, 2007?


44 Responses to “Mystery O. Riley”

  1. I don’t really know what to say but I want you to know I feel so deeply for you and for your loss. I have two little boys and my heart pains just thinking about losing one of them. My thoughts are with you and I hope you get some answers and that they help you – even if it’s just a little bit. I love your blog name – very clever. Take care of yourself. xxx

  2. Thank you, Mending Mumma. All comments are welcome here. I know what it’s like to have two little boys. I remember. I only have one now (and, he’s 25) in this life. And, he is suffering in a way I can’t explain. He feels so responsible, when, in fact, there is nothing he could have done to prevent this unthinkable event…whatever that event was. Only those who were there know. And, they’re not telling.

    Hold tight to your boys. We did. Just keep talking, feeling, thinking, and hoping that your boys will do the same. Owen and Nat always did, and we can’t imagine what forces took over. Someday, we will know. We don’t know how, but we know.

    Love to you and yours…L.

  3. I’m so very deeply sorry for your inexplicable loss.

  4. why? someone tell me why?

  5. I feel so silly right now, for reading the post about Helen first, and commenting what I did there!

    I know how it hurts, not to just lose a loved one, but to never know how you lost them.

    I am so sorry for your loss. And sometimes words are not just enough!

  6. Hitesha, Please don’t feel silly. So much of life is unknowable. All of us are searching, and wandering/wondering in our own unknown futures…and presents/presence.

    I’m guessing you have an unknown loss, as well. If not, you are imagining what it might be like. Bless your sweet soul, for sharing.

    Love,
    Linda

  7. Dear Linda,

    isnt it surprising how kind words from a seeming stranger can sometimes warm your insides. :)

    Thanks for your kind words.

    love,
    Hitesha

  8. Sorry for your family’s loss. And thank you for sharing him with us. I am a mother of five. I have one boy, he’s the oldest. I know how fragile they’re lives can be-I have had so many close-calls over the years that scares you strait. I have a wonderful, amazing friend who is the brightest light I know. Her boy was killed by a gardner’s truck riding his bike. It took her ten years to write this amazing book. Please take a look, it may heal in some way for grieving parents. We all love you.

    http://www.heartfeltbook.com/

  9. I was reading about Owen standing behind you listening to celtic music, and I was thinking of my own boy of 9 years old who likes to hang out with me. How sweet, I thought. As I poked around your site, I noticed your post’s tags, and then this terrible foreboding came over me. Something is wrong.

    Now I see how you must have found my site, tagged with “grief” too. I feel so awful at losing my grandmother, but to lose a child is unimaginable. A few days ago, I heard that my colleague had lost her 8-month old fetus. So much loss. So overwhelming. How does one go on about one’s life?

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I am so very sorry. And I am so proud of you for doing this blog. My Italian friend who lost her mom told me that she has found that it is absolutely necessary for the grieving to talk of the dead beloved.

    Is your avatar Owen? I can’t see the thumbnail very well. Mine is a picture of my grandma.

  10. I’m sorry that you are having to go through such a painful time. Missing Owen would be enough, but all the unknown added to it must be overwhelming. May you all find peace within this madness.

  11. As are all the others, I’m so so sorry. My sixteen year old best friend died 2 months and 8 days ago unexpectdily. Everyday is a battle and its frustrating when people say ” I know how you feel” because Joey, and Im sure Owen is unlike any other and no one, unless being you, can possibly understand. I pray everyday with Joey’s mother, and I see her pain and it’s unbearable. God Bless you.

  12. Not knowing is something that will haunt you for a very long time, even if you do find the answers, you’ll always wonder. My 18 year old son died by suicide and the questions will never leave me.

    I know your pain and I hope you find what you’re looking for, but I also hope you find peace in your heart.

  13. Thank you for your website and for your desire to share your grief and anger and your quest for the truth with us. I am inspired by your strength–though I do know that it is a strength you wish you never had to find out you had. Reading what I have so far helps me to realize what a blessing I have in my almost eight-year-old son and even more how lucky I am that the day I am focusing on for my National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) project came out so well, with only a near-death experience for my son. My experience that day gave me a chance in time to realize how blessed I was to be his mother and to change my life and thoughts after that day–you weren’t so lucky, and I am so sorry for your grief . . .

    Namaste (I honor the light within you . . . )

  14. Thanks for leaving me a note, Linda.

    As they say, time is a healer, time is also a teacher. I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve gone through. For being the person I am today. Without a doubt though, there’s a whole lot more for me to learn and experience. And sometimes a stranger is more of a friend, than the people around you.

    Take care and God bless.

    Sharon

  15. I came across this blog looking for comfort in my own grief. My 17 year old son was found dead in his best friends car on the morning of October 28,2007 the cause of death is still pending. I just want to say thank you for sharing. I feel the same pain.

  16. Hi Linda,
    I remember visiting this blog and leaving a comment somewhere about my niece who drowned. I might have mentioned also that I lost two brothers also around the same time. I was just wondering if you have found out any more information about what happened to your son.
    Again, sorry for the loss of your son, he sounds like a beautiful person, like his mother.

  17. Hi Kitty,

    No, you didn’t mention losing your two brothers. I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through in the last couple of years.

    Could never have imagined our losses, either. And, no, we know very little more than the last time you checked in. We’re waiting on the police department’s final investigation report. The City Attorney has notified us that they are examining all the documentation to see what they feel they can release to us. All very strange, to know they know more, than they will share with us.

    If it’s not too intrusive, how did you lose your brothers? My older son is having such a hard time with losing Owen. I haven’t lost a sibling, so am sometimes at a loss to help him through the fog and the silence.

    Love to you and your family,
    Linda

  18. Linda, It’s been an unbelievable year. My brother Shane (44) died of an accidental overdose (muscle relaxants for his back) in October of ‘06. Two months later, his daughter Candace (19) drowned in her car. She ran off the road at about 7 in the morning. She must have fallen asleep at the wheel, she didn’t have any alcohol or drugs in her system. She hit the end of a guardrail and that caused her car to go upside-down in a ditch. She couldn’t get out of the car, she tried, they found her legs all tangled in the steering wheel and the windshield was kicked in a little. In May of 07 I lost my other brother Lorne from an accidental overdose on the same drug (Soma) as Shane. It was like a repeat of the exact same thing. All three of them died in a span of 7 months.

    My family (husband and chldren) have been supportive and I see a shrink. Most days are not too horrible. I still have my children and think about that a lot. What I do have left. I don’t think i would do so well if I lost one of them. I know I wouldn’t.

    My two surviving brothers are not doing well. They are both in jail (one for dui and the other for drug use). If they weren’t in jail, I wonder if they too would be dead by now. Seriously, they tried to ease their suffering the only way they knew how. By substance abuse. It wasn’t that bad until Shane died. That is when the fit hit the shan.

    My mother has been staying at her sister’s home about three hours away from her hometown. She’s not doing well, as you can imagine. She went from having four sons in town to having none around. In less than a year. It’s strange, they were always there, and now, no one is there. Blows my mind to think of it.

    Obviously, substance abuse is what made the difference here as far as dealing with all of the grief. I have never abused drugs or alcohol. I guess what I am begging you to do is to tell your older son to stay clear of things like drugs or alocohol.

    I’m sure you’ve heard over and over about the healing that comes with time. It ticks slowly when you are hurting, but with every beat, it will get better. There is nothing else that can take away your grief, and it shouldn’t, you need that right now, you need to own it. It is all you have left of your loved one, that grief.

    Just yesterday I was moving over some addresses to my new phone and could not delete those for my brothers and niece. I don’t know if I will ever be able to do that.

  19. my stomach is clenched with sadness for your loss. I wish nothing but the best of luck to you on your investigation. Maybe solving this one day will give you the beginnings of closure. I have two babies and I would not be able handle a situation like this as bravely and with the emotional strength that you yourelf probably don’t even realize you’re showing. all my thoughts are with you.

  20. I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but I never know what to say. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to lose your child. I sincerely wish you and your family all the best.

    Sandy

  21. I read what you wrote on “jumping into puddles” and came over here to see what you write about. I’m so sorry to hear your story about your wonderful son. I read a lot of true crime stories only because there’s a part of me that can’t believe these things happen. I know that you know more than anyone that they do. There’s no words to express how saddened I am for you but if it helps at all, I think you’re so brave and I love hearing the stories of what your life was like before you lost your son. I love that you taught him to express himself and love the differences in people.

  22. I am sorry for the way in which you lost your son. You are right we do share some grief together. It amazes me when people come into my life to share in this journey. Your hurt is more recent than mine though so if there is anything I can do to support you, just ask. Thanks for your comment on my blog.

    Oh and my fascination is with the specific number 23 because I was born on that day.

  23. I came acroos your site by looking for information about stress & the death of a loved one.. I lost my 29 year old son Nov 26, 2007 from an accidental overdose, and I thought I was strong… but life can never prepare you for this… At least I was with him in the hospital, but I had to take him off life support… that is such a bewildering feeling… I miss him so…As I know you do your son.
    I am so sorry for your loss… As I can truly say… I feel your pain & My prayers go out to you.

  24. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I am a Mother also and just can’t imagine your pain or how to deal with that. God bless you and I hope that your questions can be answered soon.

  25. Our son was killed almost 3 years ago and some days it seems like yesterday. I’ve lost a parent and a sister; nothing compares to the loss of a child (even though he was 26) our only son. I have recently been able to think how anyone else could love & miss someone so much. As one person wrote to you, I always thought that I was a pretty strong person but this has really almost stopped me from wanting to even exist. My heart goes out to you and your family. From one hurting Mom to another- God Bless! Everyday we are one day closer to seeing our sons again.

  26. to lose a son is very painful and what more to lose a him in a mysterious death.i think it triples the pain and the grieve,specially for a mother that will do anything for her children.It takes time to heal and to recover from the tragic experience,maybe it take a number of years or even a lifetime.But i admire you for creating this blog site, i hope in this way of sharing your thought somehow the pain you feel ease, if not not totally at least a bit.
    in the midst of uncertainty and darkness of our life only faith in God is the answer.I know you a lot of doubt and question about the things happened and why God let this to happened.Please don’t hesitate to ask God for i know He listen.God can be your companion, a friend and a loving father that stand by you.I hope in time you will the reason why this happened.Although it was a tragic and painful way, theres always a reason and only God knows.But in time for sure God will let you know His reason.Just have faith and hang on on Him.
    Godbless

  27. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son this month. August 2. I feel your pain . There is so many unanswered questions for anyone losing a child or anyone they loved. You will never have them all, I had someone tell us that we were fortunate that we had his body as her son was blown up in the war and all they had was tissue. It made me grateful…. that was true. I miss him every minute and am walking through the path of grief , hard as it is every day. We have our first grand baby arriving any day..I have to. Let no one put a time limit on your grief nor tell you how to grieve. Allow yourself to grieve and stay connected to those who support and love you and help you . Sending you prayers and love. May GOD Bless you and Carry you and your family through

  28. Lost my niece two weeks ago. We loved and miss her. Sudden death of a beautiful 31 year old mother of a 5 year old. My sister is law is suffering terrible and I am going to send this blog to her.

  29. My brother died by arson fire 9/4/08, Ashland, under homicide investigation. I think it may have actually been 9/3,not sure why the date/time is so terribly important to me. No answers,yet. I don’t know how I found your blog, Google-eyed-grief for something else…it is consoling what you write and others write here. Thank-you. I hope your angel-son was there to greet my kid-brother.

  30. sorry for your loss. i lost my 26yr old daughter in a tragic car accident two days before thanksgiving 2003 and then 14months later i lost my 22yr old son i do know how you feel during this time of the year the pain becomes even harder they were my only two children i tryed threapy xanx sleeping pills nothing works god help us mothers and fathers we don,t know how to go on i would have glady given my life for both my children

  31. Wasn’t expecting to find a site like this when I was searching for medical questions, it was not hard to forget everything else I was doing and sit quietly and read your words. I am very sorry for your loss, words that just don’t cut it or do much, unless they came from a parent who has lost a child then those words seem to have a different meaning I too lost my oldest twin son Jesse at 21 yrs old. He was killed by a drunk driver 8 yrs, 3 months and 9 days ago. He was not drunk and was driving 2 girls home after a wake board festival in the Delta, the girl in front was killed instantly as was my son, the girl in the back seat will never walk again or have children. To add to tragedy the girl that hit them was his room mates 23 yrs old sister,a mistake she paid for with her life. its been over 8 years and when I read or meet or face another mother who has lost a child i am right back to the day it happened and feeling of not being able to breath. But I want to thank you for being so compassionate in starting this blog. I dont know if you feel the same but talking to other parents that have lost a child was the only thing I could see any hope from. I am at a loss for words though that provide any comfort to others parents, maybe in time manybe never, last year very long time friends lost their 16 yrs old daughter in car accident and I barely made it through the service and all I could do was sit silently and cry along with her. I feel I failed her as a friend, she doesnt think so but I feel like I failed. So I am very appreciative there is someone as compassionate as you must be. I wish I could do more to help others, To all parents with children, cherish every single moment and that way, God forbid you have to face this, you will have a lot of cherished memories and moments you will replay over and over in your mind. Your son sounds a bit like my Jesse, played the guitar loved his family was very entertaining and always acted like the “Big Brother” he was 4 1/2 minutes older lol. He left behind a a twin brother and sister, and the pain in their eyes I had no bandaid for, as a mom we are supposed to kiss the booboos and heal their hurt and when u cant that is a awful feeling. Both are doing well now and living good lives are strong and compationate people who amaze me still how wonderful they are. I stand in awe of my children and the people they have grown to be, I did learn that our children do not belong to us they are not our possessions or he’d be here with us. I do believe if we are fortunate enough God lets us raise them and love then and what a gift that is, I feel very special He chose me to be their mommy. I hope I did a decent job being their mom to thank him. Thank You Again what a wonderful site.

  32. Hello,

    I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I came upon your site when it was automatically linked from another wordpress blog, and I’ve been reading.

    I lost a son as well, but in very very different circumstances, as a baby who was very very ill. I know that it is a very different kind of loss than yours, but we both know that awful emotion of grief, and I hope you don’t mind if I follow along with your story.

    Take care.

  33. I too lost my youngest son in July 2008. I feel your pain and I know it is impossibble to conceive. I wake every morning praying deligently for night fall so i can sleep only to wake to another of pain and heatache. I will draw my last breath loving and missing my baby boy. I have a daughter and another son that I love as much but the void left from the loss of Marcus will never be filled. May God bless and give you the strengh to endure your life without the near presence of your son you loved so much.

  34. In facing the very real possibility that I will lose someone very soon to a curable but if not treated then deadly disease – drug addiction – I find no answers, only more questions and begin to move from heartache to heartache searching in the end I suppose for God to swoop down from the heavens and change the nature and consequence of this enchanted prison. Peace.

    • Hey poetreearborist, I looked you up when I saw your comment. I love your poetry, your writing. Stay on the path. We’re all here together. You may lose your loved ones, we often do. The questions will continue, the heartaches are so much a part of this life. If we wait for God to swoop down, we may miss much of what this life has to offer, eh? Our enchanted prisons have every opportunity to become our enchanted lives – so, hey, which way do you want to go? Prison or life? I hear you. L.

  35. Hi Linda,
    My name is Paula I am the mother of Candace. Kitty told me about your blog and I should check it out. It has been 2 years since her death on Dec,31,2006. She was 19 and my hardest times are Dec.-Feb. Feb.3 is her birthday. I know how you feel nothing can replace them. My son and wife are having there second child, they just found out it is a girl. They will name her Candace Jane.

    • Dear Paula,

      Welcome to mysteryoriley. I’ve read about your precious daughter, Candace, and Kitty has told me more.

      I am so very sorry about your losing Candace. In the early days of this blog, I often thought of Candace and Owen tripping the light fantastic through fields of daisies, together. They passed from this life within a half year, and both were found in water. Somehow, that felt to me, like a match made in heaven.

      Kitty has been a regular glimpse of life going on, for me. She is such a warm and wonderful spirit in the face of so much angst. I hold her in the highest regard.

      I don’t write here as often as the first year after Owen died. The second year has been even more disjointed, in ways, more painful – the reality staring me in the face, the shock having worn off. Only a parent such as you, one who has lost her child in an untimely and largely unexplained death, can truly understand the continuing grief, the sleepless nights, the silent screams, and the audible ones, too.

      My older son, Nat, says he will name his first child (he has a stepdaughter, Ruby, who is 6), after Owen. I get it. I cherish the commitment of our living children, to their siblings’ and our childrens’ memories.

      I used to look at Candace’s photo often, wondering why. There is no why. There’s only what’s so – the anguish, but also…the love we shared with our kids, the love they shared with us. They live on, because we carry them with us every day. Telling their stories, talking about the good times, even the hard times, is an honor to the young people we raised. Nothing is harder than knowing we didn’t get the chance to say, “fare thee well, my darling, good journey”.

      I am so pleased you’ve written me. I wondered if I would ever get the chance to connect with you. I know now, we are connected forever in our mysteries, and in the phenomenal love we all shared in times much happier than these.

      Love,
      Linda

  36. I am so glad Paula made it here and you two have connected.
    Paula is like a dear sister to me (I have known her since second grade, way before my brother met her.)

  37. Linda,
    You have a beautiful site.
    I am truly sorry for the loss of your child. Words can not express nor comfort you. Writing is a good release. Hopefully someone will come forward with knowledge of what happened to Mystery O. Riley

    Regards,
    ~Groundy/Karen

  38. Even though our stories are different in some ways, the end result is the same. My 15 yo was killed in an accident 07-24-2006. The sadness and confusion that follows is unavoidable.He would have graduated from high school this year. Please know you are not alone. I care. Melody

  39. Linda, Paula, Melody and others,
    I am sad for those of us who share the loss of a child. It is our deepest fear. My beautiful 18 year old son was killed – crushed to death. It is so horrible to think about, his pain, how scared he must have been. Then there was an inquiry, and trial. How do you cope? It is such a lonely time as well. My son died 3 years ago, and people think I “should be over it”. I have good days and bad days, but you never get over it. I am a single parent of 4 sons, and as my younger sons reach the age that their brother was, and then pass, essentially becoming older than he ever got to be, it is so terribly painful. I also live far from family and lifelong friends, so I have no one to share memories with, and very little emotional support for myself, and I have to try to be all of that to my surviving sons. I even had one person tell me “well, it isn’t like he was little” like that makes it easier?? Oh, those comments…and so many more. I try to tell myself that they mean well, and can’t realize how thoughtless their comments must be. To all of you other bereaved moms, just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think most Moms get it…it isn’t about trying to make us feel better, it is about being with us when we feel bad. Please take care of yourselves. Denice

    • Denice,

      I’m sorry I did not reply to you sooner. I’m still learning how to “blog” and came across your note yesterday. I am so sorry as well for your pain. Very sorry, from the bottom of all I have to offer you. I’ll listen to your memories and your needs. Please do not ever hesitate to come to me. I care for all of you and will always have you in my heart and prayers. Melody(mkhwrn@bellsouth.net)
      P.S. Any hints on how to get the most out of blogging, I’ll take.

  40. I am not sure how I came upon your blog, but am so sorry for your loss and the mystery surrounding the death of your son. I find myself thoroughly engaged in your writing. I notice the gap from your last entry and do hope you are well (at least as much as you can be).

  41. Hello,
    I too feel your pain. I wish for your peace. We found our only 23yr old son dead, unexpectedly at our home 8/22/09. Andrew suffered from epilepsy since age 11, but had controlled seizures and was able to drive the last 3 yrs. He came home from Job Corps, finally able to graduate from the CNA program after 2 valiant tries (medications really hampered his learning). He came home on a Friday. I got two great hugs and kisses, got him comfortable in my office. We found him gone the following day. This is life changing. I have been a nurse for 27yr, mostly pediatrics and recent 3yrs of hospice nursing. NOTHING prepares one for the death of a child. I am only 2 months into this grieving/healing process. It is like a slinky. Some days ok, others several steps backwards. I fall to my knees in gratitude that he came home that day. Peace to all of you, this I know will be a lifetime of work.
    Sharon

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