This is the strangest life…

I’ve ever known – nothing has been more true in looking back over my 53 years of this life.  And, nothing was more true for Owen.  I can only guess what Nat will think a few years from now.  Already, he sees our family’s history as odd, especially given our many losses. 

The Doors were one of Owen’s favorite bands from the 60s.  He went through a long period of listening to Jim Morrison and the group, reading everything he could about their rise to stardom, and their ultimate decline.  He often wondered what would have happened if Morrison hadn’t died at such an early age. 

I listen to a retro radio station on my way to and from work each day.  I hear The Doors a lot.  Hearing Morrison’s voice always sends me back in time, not so much to when I was a teenager (when they were popular), but to Owen’s teenage years, when he discovered The Doors, and was mesmerized by their sound.  I don’t know why he liked them so much, except that their sound resonated with him for reasons known only to him.  I got it, though.  Because when I was a teenager, I often put one of The Doors’ LPs on my turntable before bedtime, and fell asleep to their music.  Or, in some cases, fell asleep, then was awakened by Morrison’s voice yelling during “Horse Latitudes”.  This was when I would roll toward my cedar chest (the same one that sits in our living room now) that held my turntable, lift the needle from the vinyl, turn the player off, and drift off to sleep.  Really, that song is as scary now as it was then. 

Owen waited for Spring each year, as though it truly was a new beginning.  For him, it was.  The dark months were hard for him.  He was like a bear, hibernating in winter.  With the longer days, he rose from his den, and captured every little thing that was waiting for him…in the sun.  I’ve felt it more this year than any in my history – that waiting.  With each warmer day, I keep waiting for him to wake up, stretch, yawn that unmistakable yawn of his, throw the covers off, and bounce down the stairs with that old, familiar exhilaration known to people for whom light is life.

Reincarnation aside, this is the strangest life I’ve ever known.  I feel as though I’ve lived several lifetimes since 1955, when I was born.  I’ve had to reinvent myself with each huge life event – and there have been plenty, ya know?  I’ve always felt this was part of why I’m so flexible, almost impervious to change, even drawn to looking in new directions for the next big thing.  The next big thing has often been devasting and painful, but I’ve rarely limited myself just because of what might happen next.  Hmmm…maybe that’s where my kids got it.  Unfortunately for us, the next big thing for Owen, was leaving this life. 

After all, Owen’s was the strangest life…a great life, and strange beyond our expectations.  He liked it that way.  He loved it that way.

Song for the night: Waiting for the Sun, The Doors

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yj5WvpkYHz0

~ by Linda on April 30, 2008.