The Most Perfect Day
What was on Owen’s videotape, when he reached the Pearly Gates? What did he think of the Pearly Gates? Did he think that was just another fantasy passed down from generation to generation, in order to keep us waking up each day? Or, did he think he lived his life under the microscope of some cosmic eye, a god in someone’s image? If he did, I can guarantee you, he threw open his heart, at the moment of departure. You know, his heart, the one only he could know. I feel he did, anyway, no matter what he thought of the Pearly…or Iron Gates.
I don’t believe Owen would have been able to say goodbye to us, even if he’d been a hundred years old. He wouldn’t have wanted to hurt any of us, by acknowledging that he knew his end was near. I believe he chose to say his goodbyes after the fact, and would have, had he died 80 years from now. I believe he’s doing it still, saying so long, I’ll see you soon. I believe he chose to leave this life on a perfect day. I also believe he was not in control of the events that took his life. And, he would have thought a mysterious death would help create a perfect day. He loved a good mystery.
Even when Owen had a shitty day, it was a perfect day, because he learned something he wanted to remember, or learned something he never wanted to experience again. All good information, and that’s what he looked for in his waking AND his sleeping hours. He recorded his life in an unimaginable way, each second, each frame, committed to his memory - that memory that we can’t access now that he’s gone. I’m thankful he talked to us so much, shared so many of his private thoughts, grieved openly about the things he felt he’d lost and couldn’t regain, and the things he thought might never happen. He knew grief. He knew our grief in missing him, before it happened.
I watch Owen’s videotape daily. I watch it in my memory.
Song for the night: Videotape, Radiohead (Thom Yorke)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=O0MI3gtaqfY&feature=related
emmitt-owen-riley
linda-siniard
After losing someone very special, I longed to have contact with them. I thought how wonderful it would be if they could e-mail me from Heaven. So I was inspired to write a novel - it is a work of fiction but based on e-mails I would have liked to receive. Part of it can be read here:
http://emailsfromheaven.wordpress.com/
Yes, it’s good that Owen communicated so often in a meaningful way with you. My husband recently reminded me that our son is heading into the age soon when he could start withdrawing from us if we are not careful to keep communication open and fruitful. It was a good reminder.
Dear Linda,
What was in Owen’s videotape when he reached the pearly gates?
That part is no mystery to me. I’m sure it had.. YOU. (And his finger is always at the “repeat” button)
It’s never goodbye. It’s I’ll see you soon as you said, although the waiting can sometimes get to you. But don’t worry they’ve prepared a rousing welcome for us all when that time comes.
Take care,
Bong