Knowing Your Heart
You’re it. You’re the only one who can know your heart. If you put much stock in the body-mind connection (and I do), you may find it hard to separate the body from the mind, the heart from the brain. Who says that certain human organs contain specific feelings? Poets, maybe. I like poets.
I’ve always felt that no one can truly know your heart. We come close when we love someone, and that’s enough to keep us here, continuing the life cycle, continuing the conversation. Then, there’s that thread between you and your heart, that you’re unlikely to cut loose, unlikely to show in all its vulnerability, its brilliance. I think, as humans, we are innately selfish, when it comes to what we know in our hearts. I don’t think we mean to withhold ourselves from knowing one another at that vulnerable and brilliant level. I just think we’re incapable of sharing at the extreme core, known as the heart. Even those of us who swear we do, probably don’t. I think all of us have those moments, when we tell ourselves, “if only they knew what I’m really thinking, really feeling”, and then we’re on our way, sharing as much as we think can survive the scrutiny of our audience - whether our audience is distant or intimate.
Maybe, it’s only me, that’s reticent to share at that level. I share at the gut level so frequently, I think people are shocked at how much I reveal, and yet, there’s more. Losing so many people from such a young age, may have something to do with it - maybe not. Maybe I’ve just never trusted that anyone would hold my heart’s knowledge as dear as I hold it. It’s mine, so I’ve also never thought anyone would take care of it the way I do. Owen and I had this in common. I think Nat and I have this in common, although I’m not sure he would engage in this conversation with me, being that it would have to come from the heart, and all. We both hold some thoughts private, captive, secure, in knowing we truly own something that no one else can. That’s what makes it special.
Owen learned to play Neil Young songs soon after he learned to play guitar. Maybe the songs are easy, maybe he just liked them, maybe they spoke to his heart. Who could know? He’s not here to share at that extreme core, and as much as he tried when he was here, I’m certain he held some things too dear, to speak aloud. He let music do it for him.
Song for the night: Heart of Gold, Neil Young
http://youtube.com/watch?v=c7M1Se-p7uk
emmitt-owen-riley
linda-siniard
I heard Neil Young play in Zürich once. This song was always my favourite. I saw U2 in the same stadium a year later.
“All I got is a red guitar, three chords and the truth” - that was Bono, singing All along the watchtower. Wisdom that still applies.
This post really reached me.
Especially the bit: “if only they knew what I’m really thinking, really feeling”, and then we’re on our way, sharing as much as we think can survive the scrutiny of our audience - whether our audience is distant or intimate.”
I so know what you mean. I so often think this myself - and then keep the thoughts to myself as the “audience” wouldn’t handle it well.
Ahhh! This song takes me back - to a time of innocence in my own life (re your previous post). The seventies were innocent aa a period of time too. Nostalgic.